Pre Year Abroad Homesickness

Salut!

I've been told countless times that the Year Abroad is all about adjusting.
Adjusting to new food, adjusting to a different culture, different traditions, fashions, language, blah blah blah! This part of my Year Abroad is exciting to me. I want to learn about French life, start eating a whole load of cheese AFTER I've already had a delicious meal, get used to (and even embrace) shops not being open for 2 hours over dinner time, know which wine goes with what and when and why, and mostly, wear a scarf everyday and it be acceptable. I've read blog posts about reverse culture shock, where you can't get used to your own culture after your year abroad; I want that to be me. If I could, I would become French. 

BUT I can't get used to the idea of leaving behind everything I know. I'd love to say that I'm adventurous, and have got no problem with leaving my home, fiancé, family, friends and  rabbits, and that a year isn't a long time, but this isn't true. The very thought of any of this triggers my anxiety to the point that I have to concentrate so hard on taking a full, deep breath, that I can't think about it any more. The truth is, I'm a home bird, and it took me preparing to move abroad to realise this. 

Things would be so much easier if I could move to France with a suitcase full of everyone and everything I love. Like I said before, I'm so excited to learn about and enjoy the culture, but I'd be more excited if I know I could wake up next to my other half every morning, and pop to my parents' houses if I felt like it, or at the very least, know that all the shops are stocked up with Dairy Milk for days that I'm feeling miserable and missing home. 

No. The next year of my like will be lacking in Dairy Milk, gravy, tea (I don't even drink tea, but if I did...), chocolate digestive biscuits (see tea), affordable make up, red lippy (apparently this is a no no en France) and anything else that I can't think of right now. I know this is appears to be a pathetic shopping list of things that I can't have, but seriously, the thought of living without everyone I care about for 8 months is really hard for me to deal with. I'm sure I can't be the only person who feels like this, can I?

I've even put off looking for flights because that makes everything too definite. Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am, and 90% of the time I am beyond excited about the year ahead of me, but to quote Ronan, "life is a roller coaster". This Year Abroad is as much about me developing as a person as it is about me learning French, and all I can try to do is think positively and make the most of this 'once in a lifetime' adventure.

Okie doke. I think this post is miserable enough for me to leave it here. 
Thank you for reading!

A bientôt!

x

p.s. I really am excited about my year in Guingamp

p.p.s. I don't usually quote Ronan Keating and this quote will NOT be my year abroad tagline

p.p.s. I really will miss my family, friends, rabbits and of course Lewis so so much.